Boob Job

Nope, my milkers have not been altered surgically (although I've certainly considered it now and then when catching a glimpse of my droopy, topless self in the mirror).

But what I did alter is my schedule.... To include a JOB.

Two years ago, I surprised myself in the nanoseconds after my daughter's birth when I thought, "I'm never ever ever going back to work.  I want to spend every second with her.  Every.  Single.  One."

And truth be told, I really do like to spend as many seconds with my kid as possible.  And I also really like to feel smart and interesting in settings other than parent-tot classes, playgrounds, rain puddles, shopping mall play structures, my living room, my rocking chair, the library, and Noodles & Company.  So, I got a job.  A boob job.  A job helping mommas feed their babies.  A dream job.


I take my test and will be certified in December as a Lactation Educator, and at that time my job can grow to include teaching breastfeeding classes to parents, both pregnant and postpartum.  Until then, I am assisting the fancy IBCLCs in their postpartum breastfeeding support groups.  It.  Is.  Awesome.

The situation is rocking because I get to help AND learn at the same time.  This is Type A personality heaven.

My boob job includes checking moms and babies in when they arrive, getting a naked weight as well as a diaper weight in grams so we can do before and after feeding weights, fielding questions while the IBCLC is busy in a 1:1 consult, and making sure moms and babies are comfortable.  The moms are awesome.  The babies are cute.  The job kicks ass.

And when I'm not busy helping, I'm either learning new stuff or confirming stuff I already read/believed/learned/assumed about breastfeeding dyads.  Again, I'm in astrological Virgo heaven.

Read on to read more detailed accounts of what I'm learning and confirming.

-------------------------------------------------

Some new stuff I learned this week:

--Some moms are struggling to reconcile what they intuitively want to do for their baby and themselves (i.e. exclusively breastfeed, wear baby, respond quickly to baby) with what they or their culture (family, community, etc.) have imposed upon them.  These mommas are super interesting because they are coming to group and yet their approach to feeding their baby isn't consistent with the philosophy of the group.  Watching the IBCLC counsel these moms is incredibly interesting and includes a fine balance of validating what is difficult about feeding a baby at breast and referencing the experiences of other women in the community.  I had a chat with the IBCLC after group to talk more about this, specifically the best way to help a mom with so many cultural roadblocks.  A big takeaway was the importance of keeping that mom feeling comfortable and accepted in group so that she keeps coming.  The more she comes, the more she hears and learns and soaks up.  The more she hears and learns and soaks up, the more likely her approach is to shift.  Lecturing at or disagreeing with her will likely only isolate her and decrease baby's time at the breast.

Some stuff I confirmed this week:

--Gentian Violet works well on thrush, but is messy messy messy.  Have you seen a baby using Gentian Violet?  Wowza.

Other stuff I confirmed:

--Pediatricians don't know a lot of about nursing.... While not universally true, this is a good rule of thumb.  Pediatricians are experts at diagnosing and treating illness.  Feeding, Nutrition, Sleep, and Behavior are not class titles in medical school.  That's why we have other professionals for these areas.  If your pediatrician tells you to change how you're nursing or is concerned about baby's weight gain, please call your lactation consultant.

--Pureed food is kinda gross.... So it's no wonder Baby Led Weaning is the way to go.  This books is awesome and makes feeding baby complementary foods around 6 months of age, way more fun AND anthropologically grounded.  Plus, the prep is way less.  One meal for the whole family.  Check it out.  Do you like your chicken pureed?  Me neither.  Give that kid a drumstick!

Share the Love! Or in this case, Milk!

An old friend with whom I used to have some crazy fun adventures pre-marriage, pre-kids while we were living in nyc, recently had her second little babe.  A super abundant milk maker, she had lots and lots and lots extra and contacted me about donating it.  I talked her through the pros and cons of donating to a milk bank (more on this below), and then mentioned milk sharing via Facebook.

My friend, went forward with the Facebook option and I gave her the names of two different milk sharing pages:  "Human Milk for Human Babies" and "Eats on Feets".  Sharing milk on these sites is free.  In fact it is illegal to sell your breast milk.  Instead, it's all about sharing the love (or in this case, milk)!

There may be more milk sharing resources out there, but I don't know of them yet.  If you do, please post in comments!  Both of these groups have a page for every state where milk sharing is happening.  My friend found the Human Milk for Human Babies page for Southern California where she lives, and proceeded to find a family in need of her milk.

I just received this message from her:

"Meagan, I thought I'd update you that I ended up finding a woman from Orange County on Human Milk 4 Human Babies.  She had triplets 6 weeks ago at 32 weeks. They are all home now and her husband came and picked up approximately 4 gallons of my breast milk for them.  She had priced out purchasing breast milk via a bank and it was over $4K for the triplets for the first month.  Was great to find someone locally to help out!"

This made me so happy!  Proud of her!  Proud of me for knowing the resource even existed!

***Note:  There is nothing bad about using a milk bank; in fact milk banks are amazing and they don't make a profit on your milk donations, but the cost of pasteurizing the milk for donation is high and therefore, parents have to pay for the milk.  The pasteurization of the milk, while ensuring there is no spread of infectious disease via shared milk, does kill a lot of the really good stuff that fresh human milk contains.  So using milk bank milk has its pros and its cons.

My husband and I did use a milk bank for our daughter.  It was $$$, but we only had to do it for a few weeks for one baby while I got my lactation issues resolved.  And if I had known about milk sharing outside the bank, I probably would have gone that route instead.  The choice is personal, but the important thing to know is that if you are struggling to feed your babe at the breast, there is milk out there for you!

Totally Exposed Part 2

A big thank you to my friend, Kirsi, for sending me this hilarious post from The Feminist Breeder on breastfeeding in public, aka, topic du jour...

http://thefeministbreeder.com/why-subscribe/5-places-where-breastfeeding-is-certainly-inappropriate/

In the post she suggests there are 5 locations in which breastfeeding may in fact be inappropriate.  They are as follows:

1.  In traffic.
2.  In a car chase.
3.  In battle.
4.  In orbit.
5.  In a public restroom

While I laughed hard and happily at this woman's hilarious thoughts on each of the above, and I will definitely be following her blog (as should you!), I'd like to throw in my own two cents.

1.  In traffic.... I have in fact dangled my breast over my child while keeping her securely fastened in her car seat while my husband navigated traffic.  Not recommended or particularly safe for mom, but if it kept baby happy and quiet, I was all for it.  *Side note:  Yes it has occurred to me that if anything happens to me, my child won't be able to breastfeed anymore, making putting myself in danger while breastfeeding quite counter productive to the whole mission, and yet....*

2.  In a car chase...  I don't know, breastfeeding in a car chase, while it might violate car seat laws, has the potential of keeping the kiddo calm under pressure.  And calm under pressure seems pretty apropros for car chases.  Am I wrong here?

3.  In battle... Just like the car chase, staying cool under pressure seems pretty important in battle as does staying quiet.  If I wanted to sneak up on someone so I could take them out, I'd want my kid to stay quiet.  Breastfeeding does just that.  Seems standard protocol for mothers going in to battle IMO.

4.  In orbit.... This sounds terrifying.  When I'm terrified I need a nice snuggle and some warm milk, don't you?  I'd want to be snuggled in close to my mama or other loved one if I was launched into orbit or reentering the earth's atmosphere at mach whatever, so I vote this is an appropriate time for nursing.

5.  In a public restroom... No arguments here.  These are nasty.  If you don't agree, go ahead and nurse away, but I'd rather not hang out in one of these longer than it takes to hover-tinkle.

Thanks again to the Feminist Breeder for her good laughs.  I hope I added some more.  Happy weekend!

Totally Exposed

Are milky breasts sexy breasts?  Can they be both?

Depends on who you ask.  Most women love that their cleavage quotient increases with breastfeeding, and their honeys do too.  There's a lot of crossover between sexy boobs and milky boobs, but this can make the line between breasts for food and breasts for sex blurry and grey.  It's a complicated topic, and all of us bring our own personal stories to said topic.

Flipping through a magazine, advertisements will show women with deep cleavage, heaving bosoms, and glorified busts.  We, as a society, are comfortable with this (well most of us are).  And yet, a photo of a woman breastfeeding gets many members of our society quite uncomfortable and even offended.

In many ways it comes down to exposure (pun intended).  We have been exposed to breasts as a sex symbol for eons.  And in the last 50 years, we have become increasingly comfortable with showing more and more and more in the media.  Hollywood and advertising in particular have pushed this envelope, slowly increasing exposure until we are comfortable with a lot of, well, exposure.

The same can be true of breastfeeding.  By exposing our society more and more (subtle, slow shifts in public, frequent, and extended breastfeeding), we can push the envelope; thereby slowly increasing general society's experience with breastfeeding.

One of my favorite bloggers, "Banned From Baby Showers" has this to say:

"[I]t's OK that breasts are sexual and are capable of feeding a baby.  They are dual purpose.  I have a friend that calls breasts and genitalia "life-giving parts" and explains to her kids that we cover those parts because they are sacred... If someone has not breastfed a baby or been around breastfeeding A LOT, they really only see breasts as sexual.  Everyone knows that breasts produce milk (life-giving), but many have never been exposed to breastfeeding.  Because it is so ingrained, I don't know that their minds can be changed without experience."  

True Luv!

Hallelujah and a big 'Hells Yeah' to Luvs Diapers who rocked out an awesome advertisement that promotes breastfeeding in public.  If anything could make a crunchy mama switch from cloth to disposable, it's this kick ass ad!

Watch the ad by clicking here.

Of course, the ad has not avoided controversy.  The Miami Herald reports that while the media reacted rather positively, the public, not so much.  Even some nursing moms found the ad to be over the top.  

Sadly this "controversy" reeks of what we continue to struggle with as a society here in the U.S.  Had the ad been for perfume or jewelry, and the woman's breasts equally exposed, I'd bet the farm that there would be no controversy at all.    

Ana Veciana-Suarez, journalist and mother of 5 grown children has this to say: 

"While nursing in public is no big deal in many countries, here at home mothers are likely to be rewarded with a scowl instead of encouragement. In our society, breasts — cleavage, really — serve another purpose. They sell cars, promote sporting events, advertise websites and campaign for beer, shaving cream and men’s cologne. Isn’t it about time they endorsed good mothering?"

Amen, Mama!

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/10/06/3034773/luvs-commercial-about-public-breastfeeding.html#storylink=c

NIP

Amazingly, NIP in the breastfeeding community does not stand for nipple, as in, "Hey, get some more of that nip in that babe's mouth!" But instead stands for....

Nursing
In
Public

Leave it to breastfeeding nuts to come up with multiple uses for the nip.

Anyway, I've got a little NIP shocker for you all...

Despite the last 20 months of proudly, if not righteously, nursing my daughter in public, I have begun to feel, well, a little bit shy.  Yep, me.  Stand on your soap box shouting to the rooftops, telling the neigh-sayers off, me.  Feeling shy as I nurse my daughter in public.  It doesn't help that she does acrobatics while nursing (this draws a lot of attention and some cringing from those close enough to see she is treating my nipple like salt water taffy), but she also yells and demands "Nurse, Mama!" at the WORST times.  And she's just old enough for me to be just not quite in the mood to take on the judge-y-pants looks from those around us.

I was very uncomfortable with my discomfort.  So, I did a little soul searching, and came up with the following.

Nursing in public is key to increasing awareness, comfort level, and tolerance for this extremely normal exchange between mother and child (of any age), and I want to continue to push and support that as a breastfeeding advocate.  So, while I definitely want to keep up my NIP, I also want to set some ground rules that increase my comfort level as I nurse an older child.

Also, breastfeeding is an opportunity to teach my kid to accept and respect boundaries, both physical (with me) and social.  So, we decided to make some changes.  Here they are:

1. Instead of asking for nursing, my daughter asks for "snuggles".  This is a great little code word that people nearby aren't remotely startled by.  Unlike "nurse, mama!" which when it comes out of my 21 month old (who is taller than most 2.5 year olds), can be a bit daunting for onlookers. 
2. When out of the house, we nurse "by the clock".  OMG, that's right.  Me!  By. The. Clock.  Now, to clarify, if you are nursing by the clock or reading that god forsaken BabyWise crap with a child under the age of 1, you are not gonna like what I say about you behind your back.  But, my kid is almost 2.  And sometimes, when we are in public, she wants to nurse every 6 fucking minutes.  This doesn't work for me any better than it does for those around us.  So, I set my phone alarm to go off every 45 minutes to an hour.  And when my daughter asks if she can "snuggle" I say, "let's check the clock."  We do.  She likes it.  I think it even gives her a sense of calmness because she and I are not negotiating over when we nurse and instead she can just relax and wait for the alarm.  

The only problem is that my daughter can't really say her "L" sound yet.  So when she wants to check the clock, she says, "See Cock!"

Oy.

Explaining WHY you are still nursing your toddler

Have you ever been challenged on why you are nursing an older child?

I certainly have.  I'm nursing an almost 2 year old (gasp!) with no signs of stopping.  And, like most of us milky mamas, I have friends and family who "get it" and friends and family who do not.

If you're like me you get really hot and heavy and want to jump on your soap box and wax the benefits of nursing into or beyond the toddler years.  But this doesn't usually go that well.

Maybe, like me, you wish you could deliver zinger speeches and one liners (like Alicia Florick on The Good Wife) whenever challenged.  Here are a few good ones I'd like to try:


-Are you still nursing?
-No, I stopped quite a while ago, but daugther still is.

-Are you still nursing?
-I know, I'm such a bad mother.  (wasn't that what they were insinuating?)


But if you don't feel like being sarcastic, what else can you say when family, friends, or community members challenge your extended nursing choices?

Norma Jane Bumbagrner, author of "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler", gives this advice:
"Tell [the person] how much you rely on his/her support for you as a parent.  Tell her you know how much she cares for you and your child...  Remind her that you're acting out of concern for your [child].  You have learned from the experience of other mothers... and from reading... that no harm comes from continuing to nurse.... Emphasize the enjoyable parts of your continued nursing relationship."

Looking for a shorter response?  I've had some great success with this simple one-liner when challenged on the fact that I'm still nursing my 20 month old:  "I still really love it," I say.
It's hard to argue with that.

Of course, some people will be persistent in their criticism and "concern".  If you're not getting anywhere in the dialogue, you may need to be more firm.  One mother chose to leave the room every time the challenging began.  She just got up and walked out without saying another word.  After several episodes like this, her extended family ceased the criticism, realizing they weren't going to make any progress.

Regardless of how you go about communicating with the dissenting and challenging opinions around you, the important thing is that the attention and criticism doesn't change your course.  Mamas need to do what feels right for them and their babes regarding weaning timelines.  Seek support and find a place to vent and talk when the opinions of others are getting you down or pushing you to wean before you and your babe are ready.

I'd love to hear from you!  Please respond and share some of your own stories about being challenged for extended nursing!

Should formula-feeding mamas feel guilty?

This is a seriously hot topic right now.  The guilt that moms feel when they choose to or must formula feed their babes is often pretty intense.  And some would say that the breastfeeding community's surge of pressure in the last few years is unfair.  Mom's job is hard enough, should she also be made to feel guilty when she feeds her baby formula?

According to Bonnie Rochman, a Health & Family writer for Time Magazine, "Although most women are feeding their babies formula by six months, the message about the importance of breast-feeding has penetrated the culture — and it’s rubbing some moms the wrong way." (see article here)

And "at Mommyish, Lindsay Cross wrote about how she 'felt so guilty at the thought of not breast-feeding' that she says she would have even experimented with prescription drugs to try to increase her milk supply." (credit)

Many would argue that this guilt is unnecessary and unfair to formula feeding moms, but is there a way to support, encourage, teach, and normalize breastfeeding in the US without some resulting guilt for formula feeding moms?  If breast is best, and it is, then when we either can't or don't offer our children "the best", personal reflection and sometimes negative feelings will surface for most moms.  If we make a concerted effort in the breastfeeding education, awareness, and advocacy communities to lessen the "pressure" to breastfeed and subsequent guilt for non-breastfeeding mamas, don't we risk dramatic decreases in breastfeeding rates in this country where rates are already very low?  

The good news is, most individuals working in the breastfeeding support and advocacy fields are hugely compassionate toward moms who struggled to feed their babes at the breast.  Because at least 98% of women are capable of breastfeeding successfully, typically, failure to breastfeed is a result of not getting the right support, making breastfeeding education for medical professionals and parents extremely essential.  I learn so much from the stories of my friends who tried unsuccessfully to breastfeed, especially when I inquire about the nature of their support, or lack thereof.  And for moms who chose not to breastfeed, there is equal compassion because typically these mamas are making their decisions based on community, familial and/or societal norms with which they are most comfortable.  This is another area where breastfeeding awareness and advocacy work is crucial.  Changing how we view breastfeeding as a culture can make big shifts in our success rates. 

In 3rd world countries, there is little breastfeeding education, and yet breastfeeding rates are much higher and reports of breastfeeding problems are dramatically lower than in the developed world.   Why?  Because in these communities, breastfeeding is the norm.  Girls and young women are all breastfed themselves, they see their siblings breastfed, watch their neighbors and community members breastfeed, and are supported in breastfeeding by all the women around them.  It is a societal norm, and no one questions it.   

But back to guilt.  "Dr. Kathleen Marinelli, chair-elect of the U.S. Breastfeeding Committee, thinks the conversation about guilt is misguided. 'We talk about guilt-tripping, but I don’t honestly think we make mothers feel guilty,' she says. 'I honestly think it’s grief and it comes out as guilt. When you really talk to these women, they have grief that they didn’t understand enough to give it a try or they tried and weren’t supported. Women get very emotional about it.'"(citation)  

From my perspective, the answer is not to make a concerted effort to reduce pressures and guilt, but instead to:

•  compassionately focus on helping mothers struggling with breastfeeding to be successful with mixed or exclusive breastfeeding,
• improve breastfeeding education for parents, and health care professionals (especially OBs, GPs and Pediatricians),
• and begin to make breastfeeding the accepted norm for babies in the US.

I would love to hear from you!

What do you think about this question of guilt around formula feeding?

Would you or have you considered taking prescription drugs to increase your milk supply?

What do you find is the societal expectation around breastfeeding in your immediate community?

And please, consider following me by entering your email at the top of my blog home page!

Going "Natural"

When I was in high school I told everyone I was going to adopt.  I claimed that my choice was rooted in a deep desire to nurture and care for abandoned and unwanted children.  It sounded really good coming out of my mouth while I sat around in my doc martens and smoked clove cigarettes.

But it was total BS.  Total.  The truth was that childbirth absolutely terrified me.  

I recall sitting at the kitchen table with my mom and two of her friends.  Hippies turned yuppies that they all were, they had all had unmedicated births in the 70s and early 80s.  I was about 12 years old.  My mother's friends shared that they hadn't found childbirth to be so bad.  A silent, deep, internal sigh of relief came over me.  This thing that loomed out on the horizon some day for me wasn't so bad?  I felt my gray matter and my shoulders soften as if they were letting go of some little thing that was holding them slightly suspended.  Then my own mother spoke.  "Really? I thought it hurt like hell." 

My tension resumed ten fold.  My body seized.  I adopted my "adoption" plan, and hid behind it. 

20 or so years later, my husband and I were lucky enough to find ourselves pregnant and considering the cornucopia of childbirth preparation course options.  My friends had kids.  Most of them had had epidurals.  A few had chosen to have natural births.  I was in awe of these unmedicated birth stories.  They humbled and excited me.  And I realized that somewhere between high school and marriage, the terror of childbirth had been replaced by the terror of having an anesthesiologist stick a needle in my spine.  And so, we enrolled in a 12 week Natural Childbirth Class.  

I'm not gonna sugar coat it.  Laboring and pushing out a baby without medication is no picnic.  Ayun Halliday, in her book, "The Big Rumpus" describes it as "a white hot lighting rod of pain, ripping me in two".  And how!  (By the way, if you dig natural birth, extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, and a good laugh, walk don't run to the nearest book store and buy this book).  

There were a few times, around 9 centimeters, when I thought to myself, "I really respect those epidural mamas.  They are smart mamas! I'm a crazy person!"  

My cousin, who's had two home births, said to me, "In labor, I felt pushed to my limit, but never past it."  I held on to this information like a life jacket.  And she was right.  Except for one little detail she forgot to mention:  There are 'limits', and then there are 'labor limits', and they are really fucking different!  The 'limits I was pushed to in my labor are not the same ones I am pushed to in my daily life.  Not even close.  I felt like a super hero.  My husband, blown away by the strength and stamina required, was convinced I could have pushed our volvo onto its side.  

Natural Childbirth was very important to me.  It was a right of passage.  It was something I wanted to fully know, to feel, to experience, and I believed in my body and it's ability to birth my baby.  I believed in my health and in the natural process of birth.  And I knew that by birthing my baby naturally, I would dramatically increase the chance that both of us would be healthy and safe. 

So, laboring and pushing out babies without medication and intervention isn't for everyone.  And I try really hard to respect that.  I think it's all about finding peace in your process.  Finding peace in your approach to pregnancy, to birth, to breastfeeding, and parenting is essential.  If you gather the information and you make your decision and you find peace with it, then you're doing what's right for you.  I think what's hard to accept is the lack of information shared with pregnant families by their providers.  

The information on the benefits of unmedicated birth is essential, and how it relates to breastfeeding is big.  Here are just a few to whet your palate.  

• Breastfeeding in the first hour of life exponentially increases the chance of breastfeeding success.
• Interventions during birth, including pain medications, increase the chance of complications or the need for a surgical birth; thus separating mothers and babies during the first hour of life.
• Babies born on epidurals are often groggy and slower to take the breast.
• Moms who labor on epidurals are more likely to receive other interventions which can lead to birth complications resulting in the separation of mom and baby.
• Inducing labor is likely to lead to the need for other interventions which can lead to birth complications resulting in the separation of mom and baby.

After my birth, I said to my husband, "Find the urology department and get a vasectomy.  Now."  

I. Was. Not. Joking.  

But I'm glad he didn't listen to me.  

What Your Pediatrician Doesn't Know About Breastfeeding

I attended an "open house" the other night at The Mother'hood in Denver, CO.  This place is THE place for expert breastfeeding support in the area.  I also take my toddler there for yoga, play groups, music, etc.  My husband even goes to their daddy's group. And no, I'm not part of their marketing team.  Just a total groupie.

Anyway.

The "Open House" was meant for pediatricians with the goal of providing information on when and why to refer moms and babies to lactation support.  Often, pediatricians do not understand a lot about breastfeeding.  Sorry, let me rephrase.  Pretty much all pediatricians do not understand a lot about breastfeeding.  They usually do know it is good for babies, and that ideally moms and babies will breastfeed for six months to one year.  But their knowledge tends to taper off there.  Why, you may ask (or scream if you're righteous and full of angst like me).  Here are some reasons why.

1. Formula companies spend approximately $10,000 per medical student in an effort to increase these future M.D.'s comfort level with artificial milk feeding
2. Pediatricians are not nutritionists.  They know how to diagnose and treat illness.  
3. Pediatricians are not lactation consultants.  They know how to diagnose and treat illness.
4. Pediatricians do not take courses in nutrition or lactation.  They take courses in diagnosing and treating illness.
5. Pediatricians are not often aware of the emotional journey mamas are on when trying to successfully feed their babes at the breast.  

Your pediatrician, if she's good, knows a lot about illness, treatment, and child development.
But what your pediatrician doesn't know about breastfeeding is a lot.
So depending on how important breastfeeding is to you, having access to lactation support might be very important.  It is really disappointing that these two fields of study are not overlapping more.  

At the "Open House", various mamas and babies were interviewed to discuss their experiences with receiving lactation advice from their doctors. One mama, when she and her pediatrician discovered that her son was not gaining adequate weight at 4 months old, was told: "Maybe your milk doesn't have enough calories for him.  Why don't you try drinking a milk shake every day."  Luckily this mama was no dummy and she headed straight to an IBCLC (remember this stands for *really fancy lactation lady* or International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), who discovered that her son had a 90% tongue tie.  A common breastfeeding problem which can be easily and quickly solved.

The goal of this open house was to spread the word to pediatricians that they don't have to guess at or pretend to know the answers to breastfeeding and weight gain issues.  They can instead make a referral or enter into a collaborative discussion with someone who, like them, has spent years and years and years becoming an expert in their field.

How can we spread the word to pediatricians and to parents that there are a lot of resources out there for lactation troubles.  And that those resources are usually not in their doctor's office?  The Mother'hood made a stab at it with their "Open House".  There was a beautiful spread of cheese, crackers, fruit, chocolate, wine, and beer.  Moms, and doulas, and midwives, and parenting educators showed up in droves.

Any guesses on how many pediatricians showed up?

Just one.

Waterfall starts with a raindrop.

How Old is Too Old?

When this question is asked as it pertains to the nursing child, I go through a series of emotions.  

First, I feel a little knee jerk reaction of fear.  Invariably, if the question is being posed, the asker has an answer, and typically that answer is in the vein of "If she's old enough to ask to nurse, she's too old to nurse." I'm not going to mince words here: This kind of "logic" makes me fucking crazy.  

My usual retort is something like, "So, as soon as our children are able to advocate verbally for their nutritional needs, we should tell them 'no'?".  Sometimes this gets people rethinking the original question, (success?!), bringing me to the next emotion I feel when asked the question gracing the title of this post…

Opportunity. 

I think to myself:  "I will convince this ill-informed victim of societal discomforts that extended nursing is amazing and important and that out-of-control formula company marketing has totally misled us on this very important aspect of motherhood."

And of course I don't stop there; I get really excited and start spewing fact after fact after fact about the importance of letting moms and babes and toddlers work together in the natural weaning process.  I also throw in some solid stats on the emotional and physical wellness of the breastfed toddler.  

Of course my audience, who is inevitably NOT comfortable with extended nursing, is not only glazed over with my TMI approach to the conversation, but has also found me out and labeled me a "crazy hippie".  

Shit.  

Now I've lost 'em. 

And that brings me to emotion #3. . .

Anger.

How did we get here?  Why is it so important to everyone to decide when and where and how long we should nurse our babes?  And what the hell is happening in medical schools that is preventing doctors and nurses from realizing the amazing benefits of breastfeeding beyond the first year of life?  The answer:  Formula companies are powerful, people.  And not regulated in the good ole U S of A.  

"The World Health Assembly adopted the International Code of Marketing of Breast-milk Substitutes in 1981 to protect and promote breastfeeding through the provision of adequate information on appropriate infant feeding and the regulation of the marketing of breastmilk substitutes, bottles and teats... The Code stipulates that there should be absolutely no promotion of breastmilk substitutes, bottles and teats to the general public; that neither health facilities nor health professionals should have a role in promoting breastmilk substitutes; and that free samples should not be provided to pregnant women, new mothers or families." (http://www.unicef.org/nutrition/index_24805.html)

The U.S.A. did not adopt The Code.  

I get steamy and huffy and puffy about this.  It isn't pretty.

And then, emotion #4 sets in. . .

Motivation.

Let's get the word(s) out, people.

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until at least the age of 2 and their position is NOT limited to nursing dyads in the developing world.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing to at least the age of 1 and then for as long as mother and baby desire.  Ahhhh, there it is: "For as long as mother and baby desire"

Let's go deeper here.  If mother and baby do in fact "desire" to go longer, then why on earth is the rest of our community busying themselves with discouraging it?  

For dyads who choose extended nursing:

It makes moms happy.  It makes babes happy.  It is healthy.  And it helps normalize what is natural.  

End. 

Of. 

Conversation.

(i wish)  

To learn more about "The Code" click here.

  

The Ruling on Judgement

Sage wisdom came to me yesterday at a play group; this time from my doula (aka "woman I am indebted to forever and ever and ever), Patience Bleskan.

I talked to her about my sheepish admission of occasional judgement toward other mothers, and I mentioned that it was both liberating and terrifying to speak this out loud.

She said this:

"Judgement is part of the process of identifying who you are as a mom.  You look around and you decide what is and isn't "you".  It's just a natural part of the process of parenting."

Ah, yes.

And thank you thank you thank you for normalizing this for me.  And here I thought I was just sometimes acting like a total jerk, but in fact I was finding my *way* which apparently includes limiting candy, allowing a little tv before the age of 2, hiding spinach in chocolate brownies (thank you, Jessica Seinfeld), and breastfeeding until my child starts college my child self-weans.

And suddenly this piece on judgement didn't feel so uncomfortable anymore as it actually began to fit nicely and neatly into the whole purpose behind my blog, which is to say:

This is MY *way* of feeding and nourishing my child.
What is your way?
What resources do you need to get there?
How can I help?

Who's Judging Whom?

Here's what I believe:

Women in general, tend to be judges.  It's in our nature.  And I'd like to believe it comes from an interesting and biologically important place.  But the way that we judge each other gets in the way of our ability to support and nuture each other.  There are few times in a woman's life when she needs as much or more support than when she is navigating mortherhood.  We second guess ourselves, make ourselves sick with worry, and give up almost everything we used to care about to put our kids first.

And all the while, we are judging ourselves more harshly than anyone else..... Or are we?

I feel pretty sad when it occurs to me that we actually may be judging other moms as harshly (or even more?) than we judge ourselves.  So how on earth can we support and nuture and connect with each other through the murky waters of all this nasty judgement?

Hi.  My name is Meagan, and sometimes I judge other moms.

That's right, I'm talking the talk, and yet not always walking the walk.  It feels really, really awful to admit this.  I worry that I will lose some readers by admitting this.

To those of you are saying "peace out, you  judgmental, lady! I'm not like you, and I'm done reading your blog.  I am all loving and non judging" I say, "You're amazing!  Please start a blog or write a book or create a mom newsletter or something and teach the rest of us how to be like you. Help us."

I read an article the other day in the Huffington Post that really got me thinking.  In fact my 13-going-on-35-year-old babysitter sent it to me (Oh how I love that a 13 year old regulary hands me sage wisdom on parenting)...  You can grab it and read it here.  It's called "To the parents I knew 4 years ago, I'm sorry" by Kara Gebhart Uhi.

In the article, this brave mom is apologizing to all the moms she judged before becoming a parent herself.  She now admits that she sometimes plops her children in front of tv, video games, and/or candy to just find some freaking peace.  I'm nodding my head along as I read it, thinking how right she is to address this judgement amongst parents.  And then do you know what I did?
Of course you do.
That's right.... I judged her.
She admits to giving her children candy to keep them quiet!?!?  Candy!!!!  "I would NEVER,"  I thought to myself.

So here's the kicker.  I HAVE given my daughter candy to make her be quiet.  I did it once in the car when she was about 14 months old.  She was going ballistic.  I thought I'd drive off the road if she didn't chill out.  So I gave her a lollipop.  I determined it a matter of highway safety.
And she was quiet.  The.  Whole.  Way.  Home.

So where does the judgement really come from, I'm wondering, because there I was judging the author for making the same parenting choice that I myself have made.  The truth is that she totally liberated herself by writing the article at all.  And, so in the spirit of the "greatest form of flattery" aka copying, I hereby admit to judging other moms.  And to once (ok, twice!) giving my daughter some candy in the car so she would chill the heck out.


Breastfeeding is no exception here 
(a little sage advice from someone better at dishing than taking):

Milky mamas, be careful the next time you judge your bottle feeding compatriots.  You do not know what efforts and tears they have put in, how many cracked, bleeding nipples they have salved, nor how many medela pump n style motors they have broken from overuse in an effort to nurse their babe.  You may not know the devastation a mom experiences when she feels she has failed to feed her child at the breast.

Fellow restaurant patrons, consider why a breastfeeding mom is offensive to you while the woman bearing more cleavage than pam anderson at the table next to her is not.

Family members, ask yourself why a child who can walk and talk and ask for milk from his/her mother makes you uncomfortable before saying, "I think a child who can ask to nurse is too old to nurse."

Stay at home moms, consider the amazing opportunity for role modeling of independence and feminism and work ethic a working mother creates for her sons and daughters before saying she is letting day care or a nanny raise her children.

Working moms, applaud the life of the stay at home mother, who is lucky to grab a moment's peace and a shower during a too-short nap before she is back to making finger paintings out of cornstarch and food coloring on her kitchen floor in the spirit of fostering creative expression.

If we are making conscious and informed decisions about our parenting almost all of the time (and doing our best the rest of the time), we are deserving of respect, not judgement.  I'd like to work on this.  I hope that admitting my own judgements is a step in the right direction here.  Hats off to Kara Gebhart Uhi, who told the truth.

Tongue Tie & The Breast Whisperer

So, yesterday, one of my dearest friends allowed me to tag along for a private lactation consult.  Her baby is a gorgeous little 10 week old gal whose weight gain has slowed in the last two weeks.  I was concerned that the little gal wasn't feeding efficiently for the following reasons:

• She was spending a lot of time at the breast without adequate weight gain
• She was falling asleep at the breast early in each feeding
• Mom was experiencing significant pain and tissue damage

I suggested my friend go in to to see a private practice IBCLC to get an assessment and consult.  We made an appointment at The Mother'hood.  This place is the shit by the way, if you live in the Denver area, and the lactation consultant there is the bees knees, or as I like to call her, the Breast Whisperer.  

I felt extremely grateful for the opportunity to observe Amanda (the aforementioned breast whisperer) sleuth out the cause of the breastfeeding problems.  Here's what she suggested:

• This gorgeous little baby had possibly an posterior tongue tie
• We were to go consult with a pediatric dentist who would possibly perform a lingual frenectomy to correct the tongue tie.
• My friend was to do switch feedings before and after the possible frenectomy to help the baby remove more milk from the breast

More information on Posterior Tongue Tie:

Tongue tie is not uncommon, and is not a problem unless breastfeeding is impaired.  The tongue is connected to the bottom of the mouth by a little strip of tissue called the frenulum.  The tongue is HUGELY important to breastfeeding because it massages the breast tissue to help remove milk from the breast.  If the frenulum is too short, the tongue cannot extend far enough out of the mouth to assist with emptying the breast.  As a result, the baby is working hard to feed and yet not getting much milk which results in exhaustion (thus falling asleep on the breast before becoming satiated) and also may use his/her lips to try to remove milk from the breast which results in tissue damage (thus pain for mama).  A perfect storm.

Lingual Frenectomy:

The procedure used to correct tongue tie is a minor, out patient procedure done in office with the baby wide awake.  ENTs will suggest using general anastesia  which is totally unnecessary.  If this procedure is something you are considering see a pediatric dentist experienced with the procedure.

You can put the baby to breast immediately after the procedure which takes just a few moments.  While very minor, the procedure can be upsetting to watch.  There is very little blood because the frenulum is not vascular, however, no mama or daddy likes to see their child uncomfortable, even if for a few seconds.  Keep in mind that feeding and growing is your baby's number one job.  If he/she can't do it well, the results can be hugely impactful on his/her health.  Subtext:  It's worth it.
Also, these procedures can also be done with a laser which may be preferable as it has potentially fewer downsides.  

What are switch feedings?

Milk flow is stronger and faster early in a feeding.  So babies who are struggling to feed don't have to do much work at the beginning.  The milk is kinda just flowing/squirting/spraying into their mouths.  But after a few minutes, milk flow slows, and an inefficient nurser will be working hard for little milk, get tired, and get nappy on the breast.  Sometimes we think, "Oh, she must be full since she's sleeping now."  But in fact, she's just exhausted.  Not a good thing.  

So, with switch feeding, as soon as the baby gets sleepy on the breast, you switch the baby to the other breast.  Why?  Because on the other side, the babe will get another fast flow experience for a few moments.  Baby doesn't have to work very hard to get milk for a few more minutes.  Of course, milk flow will slow again, and what do you do next?  Switch again.  Keep at it until you feel your baby has had good milk intake.  

Low and behold, this little munchkin did in fact of a posterior tongue tie, and the dentist went ahead with the frenectomy.  I watched!  Pretty fascinating stuff.  Very quick, and we had this little babe nursing on mama within a few minutes.  Mom could feel a difference in the latch immediately.  Amazingness.  

Did you know that midwives used to perform the same procedure with their fingernail?  Some might find it horrifying, but think about it - it's pretty brilliant....  A baby who couldn't nurse, couldn't live.  If we still lived in a world without artificial infant milk, this procedure would be life saving.  And when you consider the health concerns associated with babies fed artificial milk, some might say it still is.