Boob Job

Nope, my milkers have not been altered surgically (although I've certainly considered it now and then when catching a glimpse of my droopy, topless self in the mirror).

But what I did alter is my schedule.... To include a JOB.

Two years ago, I surprised myself in the nanoseconds after my daughter's birth when I thought, "I'm never ever ever going back to work.  I want to spend every second with her.  Every.  Single.  One."

And truth be told, I really do like to spend as many seconds with my kid as possible.  And I also really like to feel smart and interesting in settings other than parent-tot classes, playgrounds, rain puddles, shopping mall play structures, my living room, my rocking chair, the library, and Noodles & Company.  So, I got a job.  A boob job.  A job helping mommas feed their babies.  A dream job.


I take my test and will be certified in December as a Lactation Educator, and at that time my job can grow to include teaching breastfeeding classes to parents, both pregnant and postpartum.  Until then, I am assisting the fancy IBCLCs in their postpartum breastfeeding support groups.  It.  Is.  Awesome.

The situation is rocking because I get to help AND learn at the same time.  This is Type A personality heaven.

My boob job includes checking moms and babies in when they arrive, getting a naked weight as well as a diaper weight in grams so we can do before and after feeding weights, fielding questions while the IBCLC is busy in a 1:1 consult, and making sure moms and babies are comfortable.  The moms are awesome.  The babies are cute.  The job kicks ass.

And when I'm not busy helping, I'm either learning new stuff or confirming stuff I already read/believed/learned/assumed about breastfeeding dyads.  Again, I'm in astrological Virgo heaven.

Read on to read more detailed accounts of what I'm learning and confirming.

-------------------------------------------------

Some new stuff I learned this week:

--Some moms are struggling to reconcile what they intuitively want to do for their baby and themselves (i.e. exclusively breastfeed, wear baby, respond quickly to baby) with what they or their culture (family, community, etc.) have imposed upon them.  These mommas are super interesting because they are coming to group and yet their approach to feeding their baby isn't consistent with the philosophy of the group.  Watching the IBCLC counsel these moms is incredibly interesting and includes a fine balance of validating what is difficult about feeding a baby at breast and referencing the experiences of other women in the community.  I had a chat with the IBCLC after group to talk more about this, specifically the best way to help a mom with so many cultural roadblocks.  A big takeaway was the importance of keeping that mom feeling comfortable and accepted in group so that she keeps coming.  The more she comes, the more she hears and learns and soaks up.  The more she hears and learns and soaks up, the more likely her approach is to shift.  Lecturing at or disagreeing with her will likely only isolate her and decrease baby's time at the breast.

Some stuff I confirmed this week:

--Gentian Violet works well on thrush, but is messy messy messy.  Have you seen a baby using Gentian Violet?  Wowza.

Other stuff I confirmed:

--Pediatricians don't know a lot of about nursing.... While not universally true, this is a good rule of thumb.  Pediatricians are experts at diagnosing and treating illness.  Feeding, Nutrition, Sleep, and Behavior are not class titles in medical school.  That's why we have other professionals for these areas.  If your pediatrician tells you to change how you're nursing or is concerned about baby's weight gain, please call your lactation consultant.

--Pureed food is kinda gross.... So it's no wonder Baby Led Weaning is the way to go.  This books is awesome and makes feeding baby complementary foods around 6 months of age, way more fun AND anthropologically grounded.  Plus, the prep is way less.  One meal for the whole family.  Check it out.  Do you like your chicken pureed?  Me neither.  Give that kid a drumstick!

Share the Love! Or in this case, Milk!

An old friend with whom I used to have some crazy fun adventures pre-marriage, pre-kids while we were living in nyc, recently had her second little babe.  A super abundant milk maker, she had lots and lots and lots extra and contacted me about donating it.  I talked her through the pros and cons of donating to a milk bank (more on this below), and then mentioned milk sharing via Facebook.

My friend, went forward with the Facebook option and I gave her the names of two different milk sharing pages:  "Human Milk for Human Babies" and "Eats on Feets".  Sharing milk on these sites is free.  In fact it is illegal to sell your breast milk.  Instead, it's all about sharing the love (or in this case, milk)!

There may be more milk sharing resources out there, but I don't know of them yet.  If you do, please post in comments!  Both of these groups have a page for every state where milk sharing is happening.  My friend found the Human Milk for Human Babies page for Southern California where she lives, and proceeded to find a family in need of her milk.

I just received this message from her:

"Meagan, I thought I'd update you that I ended up finding a woman from Orange County on Human Milk 4 Human Babies.  She had triplets 6 weeks ago at 32 weeks. They are all home now and her husband came and picked up approximately 4 gallons of my breast milk for them.  She had priced out purchasing breast milk via a bank and it was over $4K for the triplets for the first month.  Was great to find someone locally to help out!"

This made me so happy!  Proud of her!  Proud of me for knowing the resource even existed!

***Note:  There is nothing bad about using a milk bank; in fact milk banks are amazing and they don't make a profit on your milk donations, but the cost of pasteurizing the milk for donation is high and therefore, parents have to pay for the milk.  The pasteurization of the milk, while ensuring there is no spread of infectious disease via shared milk, does kill a lot of the really good stuff that fresh human milk contains.  So using milk bank milk has its pros and its cons.

My husband and I did use a milk bank for our daughter.  It was $$$, but we only had to do it for a few weeks for one baby while I got my lactation issues resolved.  And if I had known about milk sharing outside the bank, I probably would have gone that route instead.  The choice is personal, but the important thing to know is that if you are struggling to feed your babe at the breast, there is milk out there for you!

Totally Exposed Part 2

A big thank you to my friend, Kirsi, for sending me this hilarious post from The Feminist Breeder on breastfeeding in public, aka, topic du jour...

http://thefeministbreeder.com/why-subscribe/5-places-where-breastfeeding-is-certainly-inappropriate/

In the post she suggests there are 5 locations in which breastfeeding may in fact be inappropriate.  They are as follows:

1.  In traffic.
2.  In a car chase.
3.  In battle.
4.  In orbit.
5.  In a public restroom

While I laughed hard and happily at this woman's hilarious thoughts on each of the above, and I will definitely be following her blog (as should you!), I'd like to throw in my own two cents.

1.  In traffic.... I have in fact dangled my breast over my child while keeping her securely fastened in her car seat while my husband navigated traffic.  Not recommended or particularly safe for mom, but if it kept baby happy and quiet, I was all for it.  *Side note:  Yes it has occurred to me that if anything happens to me, my child won't be able to breastfeed anymore, making putting myself in danger while breastfeeding quite counter productive to the whole mission, and yet....*

2.  In a car chase...  I don't know, breastfeeding in a car chase, while it might violate car seat laws, has the potential of keeping the kiddo calm under pressure.  And calm under pressure seems pretty apropros for car chases.  Am I wrong here?

3.  In battle... Just like the car chase, staying cool under pressure seems pretty important in battle as does staying quiet.  If I wanted to sneak up on someone so I could take them out, I'd want my kid to stay quiet.  Breastfeeding does just that.  Seems standard protocol for mothers going in to battle IMO.

4.  In orbit.... This sounds terrifying.  When I'm terrified I need a nice snuggle and some warm milk, don't you?  I'd want to be snuggled in close to my mama or other loved one if I was launched into orbit or reentering the earth's atmosphere at mach whatever, so I vote this is an appropriate time for nursing.

5.  In a public restroom... No arguments here.  These are nasty.  If you don't agree, go ahead and nurse away, but I'd rather not hang out in one of these longer than it takes to hover-tinkle.

Thanks again to the Feminist Breeder for her good laughs.  I hope I added some more.  Happy weekend!

Totally Exposed

Are milky breasts sexy breasts?  Can they be both?

Depends on who you ask.  Most women love that their cleavage quotient increases with breastfeeding, and their honeys do too.  There's a lot of crossover between sexy boobs and milky boobs, but this can make the line between breasts for food and breasts for sex blurry and grey.  It's a complicated topic, and all of us bring our own personal stories to said topic.

Flipping through a magazine, advertisements will show women with deep cleavage, heaving bosoms, and glorified busts.  We, as a society, are comfortable with this (well most of us are).  And yet, a photo of a woman breastfeeding gets many members of our society quite uncomfortable and even offended.

In many ways it comes down to exposure (pun intended).  We have been exposed to breasts as a sex symbol for eons.  And in the last 50 years, we have become increasingly comfortable with showing more and more and more in the media.  Hollywood and advertising in particular have pushed this envelope, slowly increasing exposure until we are comfortable with a lot of, well, exposure.

The same can be true of breastfeeding.  By exposing our society more and more (subtle, slow shifts in public, frequent, and extended breastfeeding), we can push the envelope; thereby slowly increasing general society's experience with breastfeeding.

One of my favorite bloggers, "Banned From Baby Showers" has this to say:

"[I]t's OK that breasts are sexual and are capable of feeding a baby.  They are dual purpose.  I have a friend that calls breasts and genitalia "life-giving parts" and explains to her kids that we cover those parts because they are sacred... If someone has not breastfed a baby or been around breastfeeding A LOT, they really only see breasts as sexual.  Everyone knows that breasts produce milk (life-giving), but many have never been exposed to breastfeeding.  Because it is so ingrained, I don't know that their minds can be changed without experience."  

True Luv!

Hallelujah and a big 'Hells Yeah' to Luvs Diapers who rocked out an awesome advertisement that promotes breastfeeding in public.  If anything could make a crunchy mama switch from cloth to disposable, it's this kick ass ad!

Watch the ad by clicking here.

Of course, the ad has not avoided controversy.  The Miami Herald reports that while the media reacted rather positively, the public, not so much.  Even some nursing moms found the ad to be over the top.  

Sadly this "controversy" reeks of what we continue to struggle with as a society here in the U.S.  Had the ad been for perfume or jewelry, and the woman's breasts equally exposed, I'd bet the farm that there would be no controversy at all.    

Ana Veciana-Suarez, journalist and mother of 5 grown children has this to say: 

"While nursing in public is no big deal in many countries, here at home mothers are likely to be rewarded with a scowl instead of encouragement. In our society, breasts — cleavage, really — serve another purpose. They sell cars, promote sporting events, advertise websites and campaign for beer, shaving cream and men’s cologne. Isn’t it about time they endorsed good mothering?"

Amen, Mama!

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/10/06/3034773/luvs-commercial-about-public-breastfeeding.html#storylink=c

NIP

Amazingly, NIP in the breastfeeding community does not stand for nipple, as in, "Hey, get some more of that nip in that babe's mouth!" But instead stands for....

Nursing
In
Public

Leave it to breastfeeding nuts to come up with multiple uses for the nip.

Anyway, I've got a little NIP shocker for you all...

Despite the last 20 months of proudly, if not righteously, nursing my daughter in public, I have begun to feel, well, a little bit shy.  Yep, me.  Stand on your soap box shouting to the rooftops, telling the neigh-sayers off, me.  Feeling shy as I nurse my daughter in public.  It doesn't help that she does acrobatics while nursing (this draws a lot of attention and some cringing from those close enough to see she is treating my nipple like salt water taffy), but she also yells and demands "Nurse, Mama!" at the WORST times.  And she's just old enough for me to be just not quite in the mood to take on the judge-y-pants looks from those around us.

I was very uncomfortable with my discomfort.  So, I did a little soul searching, and came up with the following.

Nursing in public is key to increasing awareness, comfort level, and tolerance for this extremely normal exchange between mother and child (of any age), and I want to continue to push and support that as a breastfeeding advocate.  So, while I definitely want to keep up my NIP, I also want to set some ground rules that increase my comfort level as I nurse an older child.

Also, breastfeeding is an opportunity to teach my kid to accept and respect boundaries, both physical (with me) and social.  So, we decided to make some changes.  Here they are:

1. Instead of asking for nursing, my daughter asks for "snuggles".  This is a great little code word that people nearby aren't remotely startled by.  Unlike "nurse, mama!" which when it comes out of my 21 month old (who is taller than most 2.5 year olds), can be a bit daunting for onlookers. 
2. When out of the house, we nurse "by the clock".  OMG, that's right.  Me!  By. The. Clock.  Now, to clarify, if you are nursing by the clock or reading that god forsaken BabyWise crap with a child under the age of 1, you are not gonna like what I say about you behind your back.  But, my kid is almost 2.  And sometimes, when we are in public, she wants to nurse every 6 fucking minutes.  This doesn't work for me any better than it does for those around us.  So, I set my phone alarm to go off every 45 minutes to an hour.  And when my daughter asks if she can "snuggle" I say, "let's check the clock."  We do.  She likes it.  I think it even gives her a sense of calmness because she and I are not negotiating over when we nurse and instead she can just relax and wait for the alarm.  

The only problem is that my daughter can't really say her "L" sound yet.  So when she wants to check the clock, she says, "See Cock!"

Oy.

Explaining WHY you are still nursing your toddler

Have you ever been challenged on why you are nursing an older child?

I certainly have.  I'm nursing an almost 2 year old (gasp!) with no signs of stopping.  And, like most of us milky mamas, I have friends and family who "get it" and friends and family who do not.

If you're like me you get really hot and heavy and want to jump on your soap box and wax the benefits of nursing into or beyond the toddler years.  But this doesn't usually go that well.

Maybe, like me, you wish you could deliver zinger speeches and one liners (like Alicia Florick on The Good Wife) whenever challenged.  Here are a few good ones I'd like to try:


-Are you still nursing?
-No, I stopped quite a while ago, but daugther still is.

-Are you still nursing?
-I know, I'm such a bad mother.  (wasn't that what they were insinuating?)


But if you don't feel like being sarcastic, what else can you say when family, friends, or community members challenge your extended nursing choices?

Norma Jane Bumbagrner, author of "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler", gives this advice:
"Tell [the person] how much you rely on his/her support for you as a parent.  Tell her you know how much she cares for you and your child...  Remind her that you're acting out of concern for your [child].  You have learned from the experience of other mothers... and from reading... that no harm comes from continuing to nurse.... Emphasize the enjoyable parts of your continued nursing relationship."

Looking for a shorter response?  I've had some great success with this simple one-liner when challenged on the fact that I'm still nursing my 20 month old:  "I still really love it," I say.
It's hard to argue with that.

Of course, some people will be persistent in their criticism and "concern".  If you're not getting anywhere in the dialogue, you may need to be more firm.  One mother chose to leave the room every time the challenging began.  She just got up and walked out without saying another word.  After several episodes like this, her extended family ceased the criticism, realizing they weren't going to make any progress.

Regardless of how you go about communicating with the dissenting and challenging opinions around you, the important thing is that the attention and criticism doesn't change your course.  Mamas need to do what feels right for them and their babes regarding weaning timelines.  Seek support and find a place to vent and talk when the opinions of others are getting you down or pushing you to wean before you and your babe are ready.

I'd love to hear from you!  Please respond and share some of your own stories about being challenged for extended nursing!